assignment1 Yuki Kakushima

Dear Sally,

I am sending this e-mail with regard to your itinerary. I am not sure when you will get back and I also wanted to make sure you take the right brochures. Please let me know about that.

Also, I am sending you some attachments, including a sales report, a spread sheet and some technical information, so please check your computer before the conference.

Best regards,

Yuki Kakushima

EDITED VERSION BELOW
Dear Sally,

I am sending this e-mail with regard to check your itinerary. I am not sure when you will get back.

and also not (I also wanted to make) sure you take the right brochures. Please let me know about that.

Also, I am sending you (some) attachment(s, including a) sales report, a spread sheet (and some technical information). therefore please (Please) check your computer before the conference.

Best regards,

Yuki Kakushima

JONATHON'S NOTES: Yuki, your writing style is very succinct, but you've covered all of the main points of the exercise. Well done. Please check to see how I've edited your writing to make it sound more natural and use use these kinds of phrases in your next assignments. Good luck.

PS: "Therefore" is used in formal essays or reports or when dealing with unfamiliar business associates (but in this case, Sally is well known to you because she works with you).